User blog:LeandroDaVinci/The Walking Dead: ERB Edition - Episode 1
(Lenin at his desktop signing papers) Lenin: *coughs* (Someone knocks at the door) Lenin: Come in. (The door opens fast and a Soldier appears in the room) Soviet Soldier: Mr. General Secretary, your presence is required in... Lenin: This is important, soldier, retire yourself. Soviet Soldier: It's urgent sir, you need to come with me Lenin: Watch yourself. Now where is my presense required? Soviet Soldier: To the bunker, sir. Mr. Stalin and your generals are waiting for you. (Lenin takes his papers, puts it on a folder and stands up) Lenin: Why? Soviet Soldier: Sir, timing is imperative. We need to get to the bunker. (Lenin looks at his pocket watch and cross his arms) Lenin: Why can't Joseph come to my office? Soviet Soldier: Sir, we're leaving, *Grabs Lenin's arm* we need to go quick after the cit- ¡¡¡BOOM!!! (An explosion shakes the Kremlin) Lenin: Was that a tank? WHAT IS HAPPENING? Soviet Soldier: Sir, I'm bringing you to safety. Lenin: FINE! Let's go! (Lenin steps out of his office as he sees four more soldiers waiting for him, then two step up at his front and two step up at his back, the soldier that give him the instructions is at his left) Lenin: Name, lieutenant. Soviet Lieutenant: Dmitry Nóvikov, sir. (The lights flicker, and gunfire is heard) Lenin: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING, DMITRY?! Lt. Dmitry: Sir, a number of citizens have been causing trouble, it may be due to a virus the likes of which has never been seen in history Lenin: What does this virus do, Dmitry? Lt. Dmitry: I don't know sir, we have to keep moving. (They keep walking faster and faster, as a door opens in front of them) (Lenin's escorts pull back the bolts of their rifles) Lt. Dmitry: HALT! STATE YOUR PURPOSE! Soviet Soldier #2: Corporal Vlad Pavlushkin, joining the General Secretary's escort! Lt. Dmitry: Take the rear. We proceed past the entryway, and onto the bunker. Mr. Stalin is waiting for us there. MOVE! (They begin walking faster, and the sound of something smashing begins to grow louder and louder) (Finally, the escort reaches an intersection, as gunfire rages outside) (The gates splinter and give inwards) Walker Horde: BLEHHHARRGGGGBLEHHHARRRGGGGGGG (Two guards at the gate start to back up but are quickly enveloped, and the walkers start tearing the face off of them) Lt. Dmitry: FUCK! Get the General Secretary to the Bunker NOW! (Dmitry, Vlad, and Vlad's men peel off from the escort and begin firing their AK74s at the oncoming horde) (A soldier takes Lenin by the arm and they start to run) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cymqAVPWuo) CREDITS: ''' '''LeandroDaVinci (creator, writer and art) TheAssyrianAssassin1337 (writer, editor and proofreader) Drakan95 (rap battle) GravityMan (editor and proofreader) THE WALKING DEAD: ERB EDITION (We see the soldiers with guns running protecting Lenin in the hall) (They reach the doors of the bunker and practically shove Lenin inside before entering and locking all of the locks and hatches) Lenin: Josef! Stalin: Finally. Lenin: What is happening, Josef? Stalin: The world is going to shit. Lenin: Why are you are alone? Besides those guards...where are the generals? (Stalin puts his hand on Lenin's shoulders) Stalin: They didn't make it. Lenin: What do you mean?! Stalin: They were warned a hour before you, they would be here... Lenin: Let's comand some soldiers to see what happened! Maybe they're okay! (They stand around a table with a map of Moscow draped over it) Stalin: Did you saw what is going on out there? Lenin: Yeah, myself, we need to get after the generals... Stalin: We have deployed divisions of Soviet tanks, accompanied by an attachment of Red Army soldiers. They will take back Moscow. We estimate that there are tens of thousands of rebels out there. We cannot take care of anything now. I can't have medics outside. I can't give you your generals back, I can't do anything but to try to get everything back to normal. Lenin: Joseph, we must protect the Russian people! Stalin: The soldiers will protect the people. Then the rebels will be executed! Lenin: THOSE ARE NO REBELS! I saw them eating our men alive! Stalin: They made a great sacrifice to the Motherland! We can do nothing for them at the moment! Lenin: We need to get out there! We need to cheer up our workers, give the medical aid! Josef, listen to yourself, you want to be here without doing anything? Stalin: WE CANNOT DO THAT, VLAD! WE WAIT HERE TILL THE TRAIN ARRIVES!! Lenin: Train? Where are you going? Stalin: We are going to Siberia, to the safety, Vlad. Lenin: We?! Are you giving up?! This is being a coward, Josef. Well, you go, I will stay here for take care of those people (Stalin takes Lenin by the arm) Stalin: YOU ARE GOING WITH ME! Lenin: What?! This is crazyness! My god! I will stay here! Stalin: No, WE ARE GOING TO SIBERIA, AS I SAID THE SOLDIERS WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING! Lenin: Listen to yourself, Joseph, STOP BEING SO SELFISH! Stalin: ARG! BEAT (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyub39AXxUw) Stalin: (starts at 0:20) If this Soviet Wallace dares to trade blows with this foe He'll find himself doomed when Stalin unleashes his dark mad flow You're not a mentor! You're a loser, I'm simply the greatest leader Step into my dangerous hood and I'll finish this Communist bleeder You'll return to your Mausoleum when this cold killer spits iller Gonna pummel you and make you my bitch like your name was Adolf Hitler Don't stand in my way! Cause you don't want to see Josef insane So join or die, Vladimir! All I want is to be safe! Lenin: (0:40) Taking me for a fool? Ha! This evil Mario isn't my equal Clearly this ain't the first time you neglect your own people Your rapping hurts like that virus, no wonder they're so bad Prepare to say hi to Trotsky, when I unleash my governmental raps Ruling with swaggy thesis, and with my cold disses I go HAM On this disgusting prideful greedy version of Yosemite Sam I'm respected by our citizens, while your style's so grumpy So get lost in Siberia, while I stay and fight for my country Stalin: (1:01) Just as I expected, my so-called teacher spits whack-ass raps While I ruled with an iron fist, you're here saying gibberish crap For the name of Russia, Vlad, I don't want to fade away Get your ass up and we'll escape with this underground train Lenin: I WILL NOT LEAVE THE RUSSIAN PEO- (Gunfire is heard outside of the bunker's door, along with moaning and screaming) Lenin: Listen to that! What the fuck is going on out there? Stalin: IT DOESN'T MATTER! Either way our city is FUCKED! Lenin: WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? Our soldiers are the finest in the world! (Something smashes on the door and finally there's silence) Stalin (whispering): Don't you make a fucking sound, Vlad. Lenin (whispering): Why? Stalin (whispering): Those traitors, if you make a sound...we're screwed. Lenin: (whispers aggressively) THOSE ARE NOT REBELS! I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU! Stalin: Arggg...DAMN YOU LENIN! I SAID KEEP SILENCE! Now... (Stalin makes hand movements to the soldiers) Stalin: We have to get going. Lenin: No, we will wait here until the soldiers clear the city! Stalin: (sighs) Don't you see, Vladimir? WE'RE GOING TO DIE HERE IF YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR MIND! Lenin: I WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND! WE CANNOT FLEE LIKE WHIPPED DOGS ONTO A GODDAMN TRAIN!! (Lenin walks towards the door but a soldiers gets in his way) Soldier 1: I cannot allow you to go out there, Mr. General Secretary Lenin: Have you forgotten your place, sir? I am the General Secretary and I order you to BACK DOWN! Soldier 1: I apologize, Mr. General Secretary, but if you go out there, you will die, and I will not permit that. Stalin: Still trying, Vlad? Are you gonna give up now? Lenin: I cannot allow this!! People are dying out there! The soldiers will break those dogs! Stalin: Vlad, all the people are dead. Everyone. Lenin: I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT, JOSEF! Stalin: JUST HEAR ME OUT, ALREADY FOR GOD'S SAKE! Lenin: STOP BEING A PESSIMIST, JOSEF! THINK! Stalin: LENIN!!!!! (Lenin surprised at such much energy coming from Stalin he finally shuts up) Stalin: STOP BEING SO UNREALISTIC AND THINK!! WHAT DID YOU SEE OUT THERE?! WERE THOSE PEOPLE?! (Lenin keeps silent) Stalin: Now that you finally shut your mouth, I can talk, we will take your personal transport train to the town of Noril'sk Lenin: WHY SIBERIA? WHY NOT KIEV? Stalin: It's safer there! It is reasonable to assume, if this is truly a virus that makes the Russian workers act this way, that due to the isolated location of the city, it has not spread there. The 4th Army, with roughly 23,000 men of our Red soldiers is located there, they will keep us safe if anything goes wrong, and once there, we can strengthen, then come back and liberate this city. (Lenin paces around) Lenin: If...Is there a better way? Stalin: If you don't want to get yourself killed, no. Lenin: Do we have supplies? Stalin: We have more than enough food for the journey, two years worth of supplies await us there. (Lenin turns around) Lenin: Fine. (Lenin look around the room at the guards) Lenin: GUARDS! To the train Soldiers: AT ONCE, MR. GENERAL SECRETARY! (Lenin and Stalin walk down a flight of stairs, surrounded by armed Soviet guards) Lenin: *growls* Are you satisfied now, Stalin? (Stalin makes hand signals to the driver) Stalin: Do not worry, Vlad. We will be back when things get better. Trust me. Lenin: I trust you, comrade, but we are being cowards. (Lenin and Stalin board the train, followed by their armed escort, sounds of the train starting is heard) (Black screen) Walker Horde:Bllarrgggghhhhhhurrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhh (The camera zooms out on the devastation of the Red Square, filled with abandoned tanks, bloodied corpses, and hundreds of walkers, the devastated Kremlin is in the background) (The Camera pans down to show a large wooden flagship with a black sail giving battle to a large Spanish galleass) Blackbeard: HOLD 'ER STEADY! *pause* Pirates: (in unison) AYE, AYE! (The cannons are fired en masse by the crewmen, smashing into the ship, leaving it devastated.) A Pirate: ARR...We've got 'em on the run, Captain! Let's go rob 'em o' everything they got! Blackbeard: *shouting* STEER! RAMMING SPEED! (A hooded man at the helm of the Queen Anne's Revenge promptly swings the ship around and puts them on a direct collision course with the battered warship) Blackbeard: STEADY! STAY ON COURSE BOYS! FULL SAILS AHEAD! (Blackbeard's ship is seen ramming the remnants of the Spanish Galleass, nearly breaking the ship in half, before pulling into the side of it, the crew scurrying to the edge) Blackbeard: ARRRR...GO GET 'EM MATEYS! (The crew of the Queen Anne's Revenge toss their grappling hooks over and swing across, confronting the surviving Spaniards. The hooded man leads the attack, slicing the throat of a Spanish sailor, then pulling out his pistols and unloading them into three others.) (After securing the rigging, Blackbeard follows suit, slashing into any sailor he can find.) (After another minute of the slaughter, the Spanish throw down their weapons) Spanish Soldier #1: NO MORE! W-WE-WE Spanish Soldier #2: WE SURRENDER! IT'S ALL YOURS! (They are promptly tied up by two of Blackbeard's men, while the rest are seen retreating into the ship's bowels to plunder as much as they can) Blackbeard: Nice steerin' there boy! (he slaps a hand on the hooded man's back) (The hooded man removes his cloak, revealing himself to be Edward Kenway) Edward Kenway: Indeed, Teach. This ship looked like it held some pretty good booty from the spyglass... (Kenway turns, scanning the wreckage of the ship, the amount of slain Spanish greatly outnumbering his fallen comrades.) Edward Kenway: Hopefully our comrades' deaths won't be in vain. (Kenway kneels beside one of the dead pirates as Blackbeard's men return from the galleys, arms filled with treasure) Blackbeard: Oi! That's a good amount of loot there me mateys! HEAD FOR THE SHORES! WE REST! (An hour later, The Queen Anne's Revenge is docked close to a tropical island, rowboats pulled up onto the shimmering sand. Blackbeard is laying in a hammock counting coins) Blackbeard: Arrr! Thank Jones we got Kenway. (Blackbeard looks around) Blackbeard: Grrr...SAILOR! WHERE IN THE QUEEN'S NAME IS KENWAY? Pirate 1: He's leadin' a hunting party you sent 'im on Cap! Blackbeard: Oh yes, I remember that....but I'll put you flat on your arse if you ever speak to your captain like that again! Pirate 1 *stammering*: I apologize captain, I didn't mean anything by it. Blackbeard: Enough of it! When'll Kenway be back? Pirate 1: He gave an estimate that he'd be back by sundown, sir. That time is fast approachin'. Blackbeard: Very good! GET BACK TO COUNTIN'! (The pirate begins rummaging around in a crate for treasure) Blackbeard: This is all? Ay boy! (A young pirate turns around, no older than eighteen) Blackbeard: How much loot we got? Pirate 2: We count two thousand, six hundred and twenty shillings so far, captain. We've got a few more crates left! Blackbeard: I reckon that's decent. (his stomach growls) (He is interrupted by Edward Kenway stumbling out of the vegetation) Blackbeard: THERE MY BOY IS! You got ye Captain some food? Edward Kenway: Bllarrrgggghhhh... Blackbeard: Don't you give me that crap matey SNAP TO AND SERVE YAR CAPTAIN! *Blackbeard laughs until he starts to cough* (Edward Kenway keeps stumbling forward) Blackbeard: Kenway, why the silent treatment, matey? (Edward Kenway approaches, getting closer and closer to Blackbeard) Blackbeard: KENWAY! TALK, DAMMIT! (A pirate comes over to see what is wrong with Kenway) Blackbeard: KKKKEEENNNWWWAAAA- (Blackbeard stops, Kenway suddenly grabbing the pirate and ripping his throat out with his teeth) Pirate: AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Blackbeard: *shouting* WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, KENWAY! I GET WE'RE STARVING BUT HOLY FUCK MATE! (The entire foraging party stumbles out of the vegetation, zombified and moaning) Foraging Party: Blarrrr... (They begin to devour the screaming pirate as Blackbeard and the rest of the crew look on in horror) Blackbeard: *shouts* ALL OF YOU BASTARDS GET ON THE SHIP, NOW! (The pirates run towards the rowboats while Kenway lunges for Blackbeard.) Blackbeard: (smoothly pulls out a pistol) Watch it boy. (Kenway snarls and Blackbeard fires a shot directly in his face, blowing his brain out and sending him sprawling into the sand. Blackbeard runs to one of the rowboats and hops in, turning around to see Kenway sprawled in the sand) (Two of the three boats manage to push off, the third is overtaken by the zombified party, the crash of the waves nearly drowning out their screams) (The remaining two reach the ship and hoist themselves up. Blackbeard glances back at the island for a second then turns away, shuddering) (The entire crew is silent) *The screen fades to black* Category:Blog posts